Asylum Random Jokes

[Asylum]

3 Girls on a Plane
There were 3 girls on a plane thats about to crash.

The American girl puts on her makeup, "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first" she said.

French girl opens her bra,"Rescuers will save a girl with beautiful tits."

The African removes her knickers and says "Fuck off, they all ways look for the black box first."

The Little Bird
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"

After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

Office Secretary
Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"
"Sarah honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

Three Bums
Three bums are talking one evening, when the first says, You should have been with me last night. I was behind the new Burger King, looked in the dumpster and found a half-eaten Whopper and half a Sprite. I had myself a feast!

The second one says, You should have been with me last night. I was behind the liquor store, and found a case of broken whiskey bottles in the Dumpster. I got a good drink!￾

The third one says, You should have been with me last night. I was walking down the railroad tracks, ran into a woman, went off into the woods and had sex for hours!

Excitedly, the first one asks, So, did you get any head?

The third one says, Nah, never could find her head

[jawggernaut]

I especially enjoyed the one with the 3 girls on the plane. totally hilarious

[suki888]

i en joy the bird!!!

[Kaylaliaw]

One day, there was 3 people about to be executed by electric chair. They were a Lawyer, an Accountant, and a Electrician.
The Lawyer was up first. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will be honest if you save me God." they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go"
The Accountant was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will not steal if you let me go god"they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go"
The Electrician was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"You wont be electrocuting anybody if you dont plug in the chair."

[AlenkaSa]

A man and his wife went camping. He took a nap one afternoon and she decided to go out in his boat and read. A game warden came up and asked to see her fishing license. She told him she didnt have one but she wasnt fishing, she was reading. He said that might be so, but since the boat had fishing equipment he was going to have to fine her. She said, "Okay, but Ill cry rape." He said he was doing no such thing. She agreed, but said he did have all the equipment.

[Kaylaliaw]

One day, there was 3 people about to be executed by electric chair. They were a Lawyer, an Accountant, and a Electrician. The Lawyer was up first. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will be honest if you save me God." they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go" The Accountant was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will not steal if you let me go god"they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go" The Electrician was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"You wont be electrocuting anybody if you dont plug in the chair."

You it is serious?

[Kaylaliaw]

One day, there was 3 people about to be executed by electric chair. They were a Lawyer, an Accountant, and a Electrician. The Lawyer was up first. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will be honest if you save me God." they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go" The Accountant was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"From now on i will not steal if you let me go god"they threw the switch and magically he was not electrocuted. The warden said, "God has forgiven you so you will be let go" The Electrician was up next. He was asked if he had any last words. He said,"You wont be electrocuting anybody if you dont plug in the chair."

At all I do not know, as to tell...